Should Be Dead

On Thursday, August 21, 2014, I got in a car accident.

I was going down the freeway at 70mph (right on the speed limit) and I was drinking water and singing to my cat. Well, when I tried putting the water bottle in the cup holder, the car listed to the left side of the freeway.
I hit a rumble strip. Oops. Better get back over to the right.
Nope. I swerved left and into grass.

I got both hands on the wheel and cranked it over to the right. I was going too far right, so I went left. I went off road and into the grassy median. I swerved back onto the freeway, heading headfirst into the right lane of the freeway. From my millisecond calculations, I could tell that I was going to be under the wheels of a dump truck in less than a second. So i cranked the wheel to the right and sideswiped the car.
The force of the blow sent me careening off the right side, down into the grassy median, then I went airborne. I flew right over the left freeway and hit the brakes, rolling to a stop just a millimeter from a massive tree and fence.
If I had gone over that freeway a second later, i would have plowed through the windshields of two semi trucks.

Due to the heavy traffic, I should not have cleared both freeways the way I did. We are talking I-90 next to Chicago. I also should not have managed to avoid that dump truck. I also should not have been able to go from 90 to 0 mph in under a second. I should have been crushed by the truck, flown through two semi truck wind shields, and smashed through the fence into the tree on the other side.

Suffice to say, I was completely unharmed except a slightly sore neck and a bruise on my right arm. Here are pictures of the car.

You can see the lovely dump truck wheel marks on the shotgun seat door. Both bumper and fender were torn apart. The whole right side is crushed in and the right rear window blew out. But the engine is fine and my seat and the shotgun seat were undamaged.

Note to self and others: don't take your eyes off that road. Don't take your hands off that wheel. One second is all it takes, and then it's all over.

Peace out minions and stay safe.